Breastfeeding Struggles
Almost three weeks postpartum and it has been a beautiful and challenging ride. My husband and I are learning how to be first time parents. Everyone has their own style and everyone likes to share their opinions. But its up to each parent to find that style of what works for them. I like to think my husband and I are smart people and will raise our kiddo right. But that doesn't mean we don't know what we are doing a lot of the time. As long as she is healthy I say we are doing something right.
I made the decision to breastfeed. I just assumed it would be easy since my boobs are with me 24/7. Free food and easy access what could go wrong? Well nobody warns you of what comes with breastfeeding and all the challenges you may face a long the way. Well that's why I am here! Let me tell you all about it.
First, this is my experience with breastfeeding. It is different for EVERYONE. Now that that disclaimer is out of the way... When Harper was born, within her first hour of life our little home girl latched like a pro. She found my boob on her own and went to town. The nurse was impressed and so was I. I had heard about babies having a hard time latching so I was kind of expecting that to be the only trouble. But when she latched I said to myself this is easy, we got this. It wasn't painful and Harper looked content, bam we have this in the bag! Yeah not so much. Jump to less than 24 hours later and my nipples were bloody and looked like "hamburger meat!" Lactation specialist words not mine. Yeah that paints a pretty picture doesn't it? I felt bad my little one was eating blood. And the nurses didn't make me feel better about it. They said that's not good for her to eat. Well its not like I'm doing it on purpose! Of course my little one was spitting up brown stuff which could have been amniotic fluid or blood, and the nurses made me feel like it was the latter. So of course at 2 in the morning 24 hours after birthing a child when my hormones are raging... I cry at that fact I'm feeding my child blood! I felt like a failure already. It didn't help I had not slept in almost 48 hours either. I was a mess.
Nobody warned me your nipples end up as chewed and spit out bloody beef chunks. Pretty picture again huh? They said the first few times you could bleed since they are not used to being handled this way. I figured it would pass shortly and we would be okay. I saw the lactation specialist twice in the hospital and each time they made me feel stupid. I am a new mom, I don't know what I am doing that is why you are here. Help me without making me feel like a failure. Then again I was sleep deprived and very hormonal so I may have misconstrued their encounters as my husband says they were helpful.
Less than 48 hours at home and I am ready to give up on my breastfeeding journey. My nipples hurt and I dread feeding my little one. With every latch I would bite down so hard my teeth began to hurt. This couldn't be right. Why would people do this to their body. This hurt more than child birth. Keep in mind my nipples are still bleeding and scabbing. I call the lactation specialist and try to make an appointment to be seen again asap. I tell them I need help and can't do this. I am ready to give up. I am sure it was the hormones but I felt like I had failed as a mother. I can't feed my child. And of course EVERYONE says breast is best. If you use formula you are knowingly killing your child. Formula will make them dumb and weak. Toughen up and just breast feed you scalawag! So needless to say I spent a good amount of time crying over spilled milk... Or lack there of I guess. haha. Jokes.
The first time I am getting a good amount of sleep and I am awoken by a phone call from the lactation people saying if I can get in the office within the hour they will see me now. So I roll out of bed looking like someone who just gave birth 3 days ago and has had no sleep. My husband and I head to the hospital. I am looking defeated and tired when we get to the office. While with the lactation specialist we determine our little girl likes to suck her lips in while eating which can make it painful on me. We practiced some tricks to help her latch better and my confidence is boosted. Well about a day later its not better and I am still ready to give up. I call and tell them I can't do it anymore. They tell me not to give up and instead to go buy some nipple shields to help with the pain while nursing and it will allow for my nipples to heal. And they made another appointment. I run out and get these shields and we attempt again. Well it was nice. I felt no pain and we were able to feed.
That night was the WORST night for little girl and I. She was up all night just constantly wanting to feed. This happened for two nights. After that I thought my nipples had healed enough to not use them anymore. Wrong. The pain was still there but I just dealt with it and would use the shields here and there. I saw the lactation specialist again and she said the shields I was using were not good quality and my little girl was not getting enough milk when I use them. Hence why she was so cranky and kept me up all night. She wasn't getting enough food! Queue the crying because I'm a failure and was starving my baby so I was comfortable. They also told me she wasn't gaining weight as fast as she should. More crying. She told me to toss the shields and instead try other remedies to help heal the nips. I bought, nipple creams, gel pads, coconut oil, I put milk on my nips, I let them air dry, I walked around topless. I did it all. They were not healing. But I continued on.
The specialist also told me to start pumping in order to build a supply for when I go back to work. Well turns out when I pumped I was getting nothing. Was my baby getting nothing also?? I was told to start taking Fenugreek supplements, 3 pills 3 times a day to boost my milk supply. Bam that did the trick and now I can pump a few ounces at a time. I decided to pump and feed her via bottle during the day and nurse at night so she didn't forget how to nurse. This would allow some rest for my nipples. Well the nipples healed a little bit but not fully. Which lead my specialist to recommending prescription nipple steroids/antibiotics. Currently waiting on my DR to approve that prescription.
At this time only one nipple is still damaged. The other one has healed up and is painless. But the pain with that initial latch in the other makes me question my life's choices for a few seconds. I was also told to let the nipple free and go sit out in the sun. But I don't really have a free spot in our yard to free the nipple for that healing action. So still looking into that.
Currently I have nipple shields to wear under my clothes in between feedings to they don't get irritated. I have nipple pads to collect leaks. I have a nice collection of creams and gel pads. And a nice collection of stained nursing bras.
But I do have to admit the bond I feel with my little one is out of this world. I am glad I have had the opportunity to breast feed for the time I have. Not everyone is given that opportunity and don't have a choice to breastfeed or not. So for that I am grateful. I was definitely not prepared for this kind of trouble with breastfeeding. We are still trucking a long and doing our best to make this work for as long as we can. Each experience is different and good for you for whatever you choose. As long as your baby is healthy and fed then you are doing okay. A lot of it has to do with mommas happiness too. Don't feel like a failure if you have to use formula. Your baby will be okay. And if you breastfeed, there are challenges and your nipples with hurt at least in the beginning. You have been warned.
I made the decision to breastfeed. I just assumed it would be easy since my boobs are with me 24/7. Free food and easy access what could go wrong? Well nobody warns you of what comes with breastfeeding and all the challenges you may face a long the way. Well that's why I am here! Let me tell you all about it.
First, this is my experience with breastfeeding. It is different for EVERYONE. Now that that disclaimer is out of the way... When Harper was born, within her first hour of life our little home girl latched like a pro. She found my boob on her own and went to town. The nurse was impressed and so was I. I had heard about babies having a hard time latching so I was kind of expecting that to be the only trouble. But when she latched I said to myself this is easy, we got this. It wasn't painful and Harper looked content, bam we have this in the bag! Yeah not so much. Jump to less than 24 hours later and my nipples were bloody and looked like "hamburger meat!" Lactation specialist words not mine. Yeah that paints a pretty picture doesn't it? I felt bad my little one was eating blood. And the nurses didn't make me feel better about it. They said that's not good for her to eat. Well its not like I'm doing it on purpose! Of course my little one was spitting up brown stuff which could have been amniotic fluid or blood, and the nurses made me feel like it was the latter. So of course at 2 in the morning 24 hours after birthing a child when my hormones are raging... I cry at that fact I'm feeding my child blood! I felt like a failure already. It didn't help I had not slept in almost 48 hours either. I was a mess.
Nobody warned me your nipples end up as chewed and spit out bloody beef chunks. Pretty picture again huh? They said the first few times you could bleed since they are not used to being handled this way. I figured it would pass shortly and we would be okay. I saw the lactation specialist twice in the hospital and each time they made me feel stupid. I am a new mom, I don't know what I am doing that is why you are here. Help me without making me feel like a failure. Then again I was sleep deprived and very hormonal so I may have misconstrued their encounters as my husband says they were helpful.
Less than 48 hours at home and I am ready to give up on my breastfeeding journey. My nipples hurt and I dread feeding my little one. With every latch I would bite down so hard my teeth began to hurt. This couldn't be right. Why would people do this to their body. This hurt more than child birth. Keep in mind my nipples are still bleeding and scabbing. I call the lactation specialist and try to make an appointment to be seen again asap. I tell them I need help and can't do this. I am ready to give up. I am sure it was the hormones but I felt like I had failed as a mother. I can't feed my child. And of course EVERYONE says breast is best. If you use formula you are knowingly killing your child. Formula will make them dumb and weak. Toughen up and just breast feed you scalawag! So needless to say I spent a good amount of time crying over spilled milk... Or lack there of I guess. haha. Jokes.
The first time I am getting a good amount of sleep and I am awoken by a phone call from the lactation people saying if I can get in the office within the hour they will see me now. So I roll out of bed looking like someone who just gave birth 3 days ago and has had no sleep. My husband and I head to the hospital. I am looking defeated and tired when we get to the office. While with the lactation specialist we determine our little girl likes to suck her lips in while eating which can make it painful on me. We practiced some tricks to help her latch better and my confidence is boosted. Well about a day later its not better and I am still ready to give up. I call and tell them I can't do it anymore. They tell me not to give up and instead to go buy some nipple shields to help with the pain while nursing and it will allow for my nipples to heal. And they made another appointment. I run out and get these shields and we attempt again. Well it was nice. I felt no pain and we were able to feed.
That night was the WORST night for little girl and I. She was up all night just constantly wanting to feed. This happened for two nights. After that I thought my nipples had healed enough to not use them anymore. Wrong. The pain was still there but I just dealt with it and would use the shields here and there. I saw the lactation specialist again and she said the shields I was using were not good quality and my little girl was not getting enough milk when I use them. Hence why she was so cranky and kept me up all night. She wasn't getting enough food! Queue the crying because I'm a failure and was starving my baby so I was comfortable. They also told me she wasn't gaining weight as fast as she should. More crying. She told me to toss the shields and instead try other remedies to help heal the nips. I bought, nipple creams, gel pads, coconut oil, I put milk on my nips, I let them air dry, I walked around topless. I did it all. They were not healing. But I continued on.
The specialist also told me to start pumping in order to build a supply for when I go back to work. Well turns out when I pumped I was getting nothing. Was my baby getting nothing also?? I was told to start taking Fenugreek supplements, 3 pills 3 times a day to boost my milk supply. Bam that did the trick and now I can pump a few ounces at a time. I decided to pump and feed her via bottle during the day and nurse at night so she didn't forget how to nurse. This would allow some rest for my nipples. Well the nipples healed a little bit but not fully. Which lead my specialist to recommending prescription nipple steroids/antibiotics. Currently waiting on my DR to approve that prescription.
At this time only one nipple is still damaged. The other one has healed up and is painless. But the pain with that initial latch in the other makes me question my life's choices for a few seconds. I was also told to let the nipple free and go sit out in the sun. But I don't really have a free spot in our yard to free the nipple for that healing action. So still looking into that.
Currently I have nipple shields to wear under my clothes in between feedings to they don't get irritated. I have nipple pads to collect leaks. I have a nice collection of creams and gel pads. And a nice collection of stained nursing bras.
But I do have to admit the bond I feel with my little one is out of this world. I am glad I have had the opportunity to breast feed for the time I have. Not everyone is given that opportunity and don't have a choice to breastfeed or not. So for that I am grateful. I was definitely not prepared for this kind of trouble with breastfeeding. We are still trucking a long and doing our best to make this work for as long as we can. Each experience is different and good for you for whatever you choose. As long as your baby is healthy and fed then you are doing okay. A lot of it has to do with mommas happiness too. Don't feel like a failure if you have to use formula. Your baby will be okay. And if you breastfeed, there are challenges and your nipples with hurt at least in the beginning. You have been warned.
Milk WASTED
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